How Do You Keep Such a Secret?
As a mother of 3 girls, you always feel like you have to be on point. Everyone has their kids in something whether it be in dance or soccer. I always felt the need to keep up with the Jones'. But why? Society has made it so hard to be a parent everyone is always judging you on how you are doing this or that. Why can't we be supportive anymore.
Everyday I wake up and as hard as it is I get up and get my girls ready for school. I have to get up at least 30 mins before my girls do just so I can make sure I'm actually up before they are. I need that time to talk to myself so I can get up. My struggle is real. The mental struggle is real. Many mother's may not even be able to get up. I'm in school full time trying to achieve my degree that I never finished. I want to show my daughter's that even with any kind of struggle you can finish what you started. The reality is that being honest with our children is a hard pill to swallow. My girls do understand that mommy is sick. They just don't understand that mommy has a mental illness because the capacity of that understanding for them is not quiet there yet. As they get older I will explain to my girls what they need to understand about their mother's illness and that there is nothing for them to be ashamed of. If they also have mental illness themselves.
I want to be the hands on mother. I volunteer when I can at their school. I also try my best to be the involved mother. I'm also getting ahead of what I understand of my bipolar disorder. By getting head I don't want to ruin my relationship with my daughters because I can not contain my highs or my lows of my bipolar disorder. There is such a stigma about metal illness I want that to go away. I want it to be okay to talk about it. I don't want mother's to judge other mother's. I want men to be about to talk about their feelings. At this point I have a small grasp of what is going on with my bipolar, many moms do not and that is the problem we have. And people wonder how a mom can hurt her child she doesn't want to she doesn't understand what is going on in her head. She doesn't have control either. You want to act like everything is normal. What is normal? Everyone has this idea of how your suppose to be or how you need to be? Who made you king of all things said and done? Don't get me wrong we all judge I do to. I just hate the stigma and faux pas on mental illness. That for me is so hard because I've had to keep this to myself for so long and the word crazy that is another subject. My closest friends and family know. And now the world. I'm ready to share my story.
Everyday I wake up and as hard as it is I get up and get my girls ready for school. I have to get up at least 30 mins before my girls do just so I can make sure I'm actually up before they are. I need that time to talk to myself so I can get up. My struggle is real. The mental struggle is real. Many mother's may not even be able to get up. I'm in school full time trying to achieve my degree that I never finished. I want to show my daughter's that even with any kind of struggle you can finish what you started. The reality is that being honest with our children is a hard pill to swallow. My girls do understand that mommy is sick. They just don't understand that mommy has a mental illness because the capacity of that understanding for them is not quiet there yet. As they get older I will explain to my girls what they need to understand about their mother's illness and that there is nothing for them to be ashamed of. If they also have mental illness themselves.
I want to be the hands on mother. I volunteer when I can at their school. I also try my best to be the involved mother. I'm also getting ahead of what I understand of my bipolar disorder. By getting head I don't want to ruin my relationship with my daughters because I can not contain my highs or my lows of my bipolar disorder. There is such a stigma about metal illness I want that to go away. I want it to be okay to talk about it. I don't want mother's to judge other mother's. I want men to be about to talk about their feelings. At this point I have a small grasp of what is going on with my bipolar, many moms do not and that is the problem we have. And people wonder how a mom can hurt her child she doesn't want to she doesn't understand what is going on in her head. She doesn't have control either. You want to act like everything is normal. What is normal? Everyone has this idea of how your suppose to be or how you need to be? Who made you king of all things said and done? Don't get me wrong we all judge I do to. I just hate the stigma and faux pas on mental illness. That for me is so hard because I've had to keep this to myself for so long and the word crazy that is another subject. My closest friends and family know. And now the world. I'm ready to share my story.
In your June 18th article I read I realized that you are a strong woman. Thank you for sharing. I'm a man and I appreciate your honesty. The struggle is real and we need to know it. In all of us. I encourage you to continue teaching the children that all is possible if you acknowledge your struggles. God bless you
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