Why don't we talk about it?

Why don't we talk about mental illness? Why are we so ashamed of having such an illness? I'm not ashamed. The reason being is because I don't have control of it that is probably why I try to control every other aspect of my life. My husband doesn't get that. Many people don't get it because they can't see it on test or a lab report you don't have it. Well sorry to break it to you. I have and millions of others do too. I can't control it. I want to. I used to have a grasp on it. A really good one. Boy did I lose that battle. I wish I still had that hold. Maybe my life wouldn't be in such chaos. I think about that day.....I call domes days. I got the call that my mom had cancer. I had to keep a straight face she was sitting right next to me. My heart sank. How do you tell the person you love so much they have cancer? Then on top of the I felt this feeling that I hadn't felt on so long a low and sadness. Boy where did this all come from? People don't know that I hid my mental illness for so long only my closest friends and family knew. I sank deeper and deeper inside. On the outside I was happy and optimistic. My highs are so high and my lows are so low. As we learned about my mom's cancer, I learned about my bipolar. How to hide it how I would apologize for a mood swing. The hardest part was not turning to the thing I wanted to the most. The drugs.  As a young adult in the late 90's the easiest thing for me was to party and the scene was at its best at least that was what I thought.  It was easy for me to get drugs.  I really started to party.  The prescribed drugs made me a zombie yeah I didn't feel anything I didn't react to anything either.  I wasn't whole any more.  I first turned to marijuana who didn't, then I wen to a party and I was introduced to ecstasy.  That was a whole new experience.  I actually felt something again.  It was a good feeling.  We don't talk about it because we don't want to hear the truth, the truth bring us to the fact that many of use drugs to mask all the pain and the fact that people can't accept mental illness.   If people would just listen, take a minute and just listen, many people would not be where that are at in life.  This is NOT something we can control nor can we explain.  It is NOT something we like or enjoy.  Please realize that mothers' that suffer from metal illness are not damaged we are sick and we trying are best to do what is best for our children and ourselves so we may be the best mother's we can be.